


Don't Let Me Go

by 5sos



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band), One Direction (Band)
Genre: Character Death, Depression, M/M, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-19
Updated: 2013-06-19
Packaged: 2017-12-15 12:00:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 935
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/849326
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/5sos/pseuds/5sos
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Things like this were meant to get easier. That's what everyone always said, and Michael used to believe that, until he realised it wasn't getting easier.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Don't Let Me Go

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this at midnight so I apologise in advanced for any spelling or grammatical errors. Anyway I hope you enjoy :)

    

Michael knew it was meant to get easier. They always said it would, everyone did, but as days passed, and then weeks and months it never did. If anything it got worse, yet every day he put on a brave face not for his benefit, but for that of his best friends. He couldn’t hold them back from living their dream, even if it was no longer his. He felt like he could no longer have hopes, dreams and aspirations, all those privileges had disappeared.

  

“Mikey you need to wake up, we’re leaving in ten” Calum said drawing back the blinds of their hotel room, the warm morning sun bursting through the windows. Michael just nodded and began getting out of bed. It was the same routine every day on tour, and there were never any complaints or words spoken by Michael. The rest of the day consisted of getting ready to perform and performing, in a venue in which they were the headlining act, not the support act.

Night was always the worst time for Michael. Nobody could read him; nobody knew what he was going to do, or what it was going to be like. Nighttime was almost as difficult for his best friends as it was for him. This night though, consisted of him curled into Ashton on the couch, sobbing silently into his chest with a half empty bottle of bourbon. Everybody hurt, but nobody hurt as much as Michael and everybody knew that.

 

It had been exactly 7 months and 23 days, Michael counted every day and the thought of him never left his mind. Staring at the photos and letters strewn across his bed, Michael began to realise that maybe it wasn’t meant to get better for him. Maybe he wasn’t meant to find someone else, maybe there was nobody else left. There was one letter he’d read so many times that the ink was smudged, and the paper crinkly from his tears.

 

_To my dearest Michael,_

_I know I said I’d try and I did, and I know that you knew I was trying, but we both knew I wasn’t getting better. I wish there was a way I could have tried harder for you, but it just never got better. I did everything Mikey, I did everything they told me to, and you kept me here for so long, you helped but I couldn’t cope anymore. I’m only 21 I don’t know how to cope with this, I hope you never have to endure what I’ve endured over the past six years._

_The first year and a half was difficult. Everything that anybody said hurt, I didn’t know how to deal with the criticism and the hate, but I worked through it. It gets to an extent though where you can’t work through it though, well I couldn’t. Then the depression sets in, and once it sets in, it’s hard to escape, it’s possible, but it felt impossible to me._

_I’m so sorry for hurting you like this, and I just want you to know that you were the best thing to happen to me. Better than this fucking band, everything revolved around you from the day I saw your face on youtube. You know how I felt, and still feel about you Mikey. You saved me for a while there, and I thank you so much for that. I’m sorry I couldn’t do this anymore._

_I’m so sorry Michael, I’m sorry. Just remember how much I loved you; I was in love with you Michael. Please never forget that. Promise to keep me in your heart don’t let me go._

_I’ll be waiting up here for you beautiful, take your time though, live your life, I’m not going anywhere. I’ll see you again one day baby._

_Love Always, your Harry_

Michael re-read the letter over and over, and every time hurt as much as the first time. It never got better.

 

            Nearing the year anniversary was when Michael hit his lowest point so far. 11 months and 28 days. Everybody knew, but nobody talked. Michael had hardly talked to anyone in the last month, besides his band mates and manager.

            He was really struggling.

            As Michael lay in bed the night before the anniversary it hit him that he had been living in a world without his best friend, and his one love for almost an entire year. A year, and it never got easier, he couldn’t do this, he couldn’t.

            Walking towards the bathroom he knew where his stuff was. It wasn’t the first time he’d thought about this, he’d even put everything in a shoebox stashed at the back of the cupboard. He pulled the box out, taking it back to his room.

            He took the contents of the box out, placing a pile of letters, a bottle of vodka and bottle of pills neatly on his desk, before finding paper and pen and writing a quick note.

 

_I’m sorry, I know you saw this coming but it doesn’t make it any easier. I couldn’t do this without him though. I’m so sorry._

_Please bury me with him, I loved him so much, I need to be as close to him as I possibly can._

_I’m so sorry._

Michael placed this final note next to the rest of the letters he’d written over the course of this horrible year. Placing Harry’s aeroplane necklace around his neck one last time, he counted out five pills, and swallowed them down with a swig of vodka.

            Again.

            A g a i n.

            **_A g a i n._**


End file.
